I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” In truth, most of us can remember times when we have felt the pain of hurtful words and careless comments.

Words carry the ability to hurt or heal. They can either build or chip away at the foundation of our relationships. For example, I have seen the heaviness of life lift off my wife Bonnie when I’ve taken the time to speak words of faith and love to her. Most of us need only a small word of encouragement to find the strength to finish our day.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing!” [1 Thessalonians 5:11]

Are you one that is often annoyed by the imperfection of others? Many relationships have become a fatality to an attitude of intolerance. The most common mistake is not understanding the difference between acceptance and approval. It is one thing to approve of something; it is another to accept someone.

We approve or disapprove of “things” (behavior, actions, and lifestyles) we accept “people”. One doesn’t cancel the other. Having healthy relationships requires accepting others even if there are things about them we don’t approve or even like.

There is a verse in the Bible that says, “Overlook an offense and cement a friendship; fasten on to every little  annoyance and — good-bye, friends and hello loneliness!”

Author Corrie ten Boom tells of a time when after forgiving someone she found herself mentally rehearsing the incident only to experience the all-to-familiar emotions of anger. She finally experienced comfort in the example of an old fashioned church bell tower.

The bell in a church tower is rung by pulling a rope. After the person lets go of the rope the sounds of the bell continue to ring. As time passes the bell rings slower and slower until the sound finally stops. (more…)

The following are two life giving principles that will strengthen your family relationships:

1. Create an atmosphere of grace – Your family members don’t want to feel as if you are defining their value based on their accomplishments or behavior. Love and accept them unconditionally. Offer loads of encouragement rather than constantly criticizing one another.

2. Preserve the dignity of your family members - Reminding family members of past wrong doings results in keeping a ledger of failure. When you bring up the past in order to drive home a point, you are poisoning your family’s hearts with shame. This communicates to your family members they are defined by their past. The result is despair. There is no way they can undo their mistakes.

The definition of a spiritual legacy is, “The spiritual, emotional and social heritage passed down from parent to child – whether good or bad.”

It is this overall idea of legacy that you must keep in mind in building strong family relationships. It is important to realize that legacy is not an event, it is a process. In other words, legacy is “caught” more than it is taught. Legacy is demonstrated in the way you live out your life on a daily basis before your children.

A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children, but a sinner’s wealth is stored up for the righteous. [Prov. 13:22]

1. Develop a mission statement – Some families have a family crest that serves as a point of identity and recognition. In the same way, a family mission statement serves as a unifying factor that can galvanize family members around common principles and values. A family mission statement also establishes a “we” mentality instead of an “I” mentality. (more…)

The following are traits that are connected with healthy family relationships:

They freely show appreciation – In studying family relationships that are strong, I have noticed they are quick to compliment each other and always demonstrate approval and support.

They have an ability to deal with crises in a positive manner - Families that are healthy are able to help each other respond to bad situations by focusing on the possibilities within each problem and challenge. (more…)

You can’t examine effective relationship tips without addressing the issue of unconditional acceptance. The most common mistake is not recognizing the difference between acceptance and approval. It is one thing to approve of something; it is another to accept someone. We approve or disapprove of “things” (behavior, actions, and lifestyles) we accept “people”. One doesn’t cancel the other. Having long term healthy relationships requires accepting others, even if we don’t approve of their decisions.

Many relationships have become a fatality to an attitude of judgment. Even in situations where someone we care about is making self-destructive choices, it is not the rejection of who they are they brings about change. Romans 15:7 says, “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” [Romans 15:7]

The people you surround yourself with help shape your world. Here are three types of relationships that empower your life.

1. A coach – In the late 1900’s a passenger asked the captain on a Mississippi steamer, “How long have you navigated these waters?” Over 25 years the captain replied.  ”You must know every rock and sandbank on this river,” the passenger responded. The captain smiled, “No I don’t. But I know where the deep water is and that’s where we want to be.”

A coach is someone who has already navigated through the waters of life that you are currently facing. This gives them the ability to guide you through the different seasons of your life – to help you stay in the deep water in your marriage, life, career and family. Don’t hesitate to ask for help from someone who has succeeded where you want success.

Proverbs15:22 says, Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.

2. A peer – One of the other relationships that empower your life are those who stand beside you. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” The quality of your life will never rise above the quality of your friendships. Your life is defined by your relationship with God and your relationship with others. People either add to your life or subtract from your life. There is no neutral ground. I heard one man say, “Show me a man’s friends and I’ll show you his character.”

3. Someone we coach –  Jesus said in Matthew 28:19, “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” Everyday you have the opportunity to establish relationships that empower others.  The things that last for eternity are the investments you make in the lives of those around you.

Nelson Henderson says, “The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit.” Look for daily opportunities to “plant a tree” in someone’s life.

1. Be accepting – You can’t examine effective relationship tips without addressing the issue of unconditional  acceptance. The most common mistake is not recognizing the difference between acceptance and approval. It is one thing to approve of something; it is another to accept someone.

We approve or disapprove of “things” (behavior, actions, and lifestyles) we accept “people”. One doesn’t cancel the other. Having long term healthy relationships requires accepting others, even if we don’t approve of their decisions. (more…)