The following are traits that are connected with healthy family relationships:

They freely show appreciation – In studying family relationships that are strong, I have noticed they are quick to compliment each other and always demonstrate approval and support.

They have an ability to deal with crises in a positive manner - Families that are healthy are able to help each other respond to bad situations by focusing on the possibilities within each problem and challenge. (more…)

When it comes to marriage advice, one of the best suggestions I can offer is to connect with your spouse on an emotional level. Gary Smalley says; “If a man truly wants to communicate with his wife, he must enter her world of emotions.” This can be a scary thought for most men.

I can remember when Bonnie and I began to implement this in our own marriage. We realized that if this was going to happen, we needed to schedule it. We began to schedule one night a week where we would turn of the T.V. and take that time to focus on our relationship. Bonnie called it our “going deep” night. First of all, I didn’t like the name at all. (more…)

One way of strengthening your marriage involves making time for one another. Even though this point seems too obvious to mention, it is still surprising how this simple truth can get away from us.

Recently Reader’s Digest reported about 1001 couples who were surveyed regarding the elements they value the most in marriage. The statistics were interesting with the importance of laughter being 52%, compatibility 30%, quality sex 13% and frequency of sex just 9%. It is clear that if you want to experience lasting love in your marriage, you need to make time to relax, laugh and enjoy one another.

By Bonnie Fehlauer

1. Identify the core issues – The first step in saving your marriage is to make the distinction between the symptoms and the core issues. Only after the core issues are identified can you take the first step in repairing the relationship. There is a verse in the bible that says, “When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?”

Your marriage will never be stronger than the foundation it’s built on. There are things in the course of your marriage that can chip away at the foundation of your relationship. To experience restoration, it is imperative to identify what those issues are and eliminate them. (more…)

Even though I’m not a mind reader, after 31 years of marriage here are a few things I have discovered that women want.

1. To communicate beyond the headlines – A man sees communication as a vehicle to analyze a situation. So, focusing on the headlines makes perfect sense to him. On the other hand, women see communication as a vehicle used to take the emotional temperature of the relationship. Consequently, when a man is silent, it’s easy for a woman to imagine the worst. Make an effort to communicate beyond the headlines even when it feels awkward or unpleasant. (more…)

1. Effective communication skills involve listening beyond words –Studies show that people communicate 7 % thru words, 38% through tone of voice and 55% through nonverbal signals.

True communication happens when we are able to listen beyond the angry or agitated words of our partner. Once you choose to hear beyond your partner’s emotions you can discover creative ways to communicate to their heart.

2. Effective communication involves being touched by the emotion of others – The Bible challenges us to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. When you are touched by the feelings of your spouse you communicate value to their dreams and concerns. If you come into a relationship thinking about what you’re going to get, you will only “get” disappointment. Great relationships are created by giving!

3. Effective communication skills involve understanding – Author and speaker Ken Blanchard says, “Real communication happens when people feel safe.”   Do you create a place of safety for those around you?  When your partner is around you, do they feel the need to be guarded?

There is an additional way to create an atmosphere where spouse feels safe:  let them feel that they are being understood, even if you disagree with them. Richard Moss says, ”The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention and compassion.”

The marriage union is the only human relationship that is used to illustrate the most sacred of all relationships – our relationship with Christ. That’s why we are described as the bride of Christ, and Jesus is described as the bridegroom.

God’s desire is that the marriage relationship be a physical expression of the miracle and beauty of our relationship with Him.

In Ephesians 5:25 we read, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” The Bible continues by saying, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.”

Every marriage has the potential of revealing the reality of God’s grace, love and redemption. That’s why Satan fights marriages so intensely. Your marriage is a physical of expression of what Satan hates – the hope of forgiveness and the grace of redemption.

The marriage union isn’t just a contract, or a legal agreement. It isn’t about two people who have decided to live together and combine their resources. It isn’t simply an arrangement that society came up with to allow a man and woman to be sexually involved without feeling guilty. And, most importantly, the marriage union was not the invention of man – but the creation of God.

The same work of the Holy Spirit that is involved at salvation – the miracle of joining us to Jesus –  is the same miraculous work of the Spirit that joins a man and woman in holy matrimony. It’s just that holy!

In Genesis 2:7 we read, “The LORD God formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.”

God didn’t breathe life into woman like He did when He created man. The “breath of life” that God breathed into Adam was the same life also reserved for Eve. Later on when God took Adam’s rib to form Eve’s body, He also took the essence of the life of Eve previously imparted into Adam.

The big idea here is that there was more than a physical connection in the first marriage union. The same Spirit that brought life to Adam is also the same Spirit that gave life to Eve. When God removed Adam’s rib, It was the Spirit of God that caused Adam and Eve become “one flesh”.

I hate to admit it, but it’s natural for me to monopolize a conversation. I have to make a concerted effort to listen more than I speak. Even though I have improved over the years, I still have to force myself to slow down and give Bonnie plenty of time to say what’s on her mind.

Good communication in marriage is a skill that can be learned. How to listen is a huge first step in developing healthy communication in your relationships. Even more so, learning what to listen for is a greater key.

David Schwartz says, “Big people monopolize the listening. Small people monopolize the talking.”